Today I’ve decided to write my feelings as I’ve heard it helps heal the heart. So I guess I’ll try and see how it goes.
I am hurt. I feel disrespected, unworthy, hopeless, damaged and most importantly taken for granted. I feel like all those years were for nothing, all my time was wasted and all my love not reciprocated.
How could u not see? I was unhappy months before, crying at night in bed with you laying next to me hoping and wishing you would see me. Look at me. But you didn’t, u walked past me without even a glance to see me. You had a life different from the life I was building for us. You had your life and I, unfortunately, like a sick puppy in love didn’t. I was living for us, growing for us, loving for us. Where were you in all of this? Could I have imagined everything, surely I can’t be that delusional, right?.
I bought things and planted things as a symbol of our love but you gave it away. I wonder what else you gave away… I won’t let my mind wonder there because I know it’s a deep dark place that I won’t get myself out of. Was I wrong for loving you? Did I really spend all these years for nothing? I have so many questions you can’t answer, why! Is the biggest question of them all. Why me? Why did you do this to me? Why did you not love me the way I deserved to be loved? Why?
After so many years, I decided to wake up from this daze called love, or if it was really love. I decided to take a stand and walk out. I can’t forget everything I’ve been through and though it pains me to leave, I know I had to. I wasn’t loved the way I was supposed to. I wasn’t cared for the way I wanted. I was not respected the way I deserved. Every day I wonder did I make the right decision but the universe as a way to right it’s wrongs. It reminds me everyday that I did the right thing. It shows me and tells me that you see, he didn’t deserve you. All that love gone to waste but don’t fear my child, I got you.
Days have gone by some days are harder than some. I hold my head high because I am a superwoman that you wanted to destroy, u wanted me to come to your level but God, said no more. Days go by and yes, some days are hard but deep in my heart I know I deserve better. I don’t deserve to feel hurt, disrespected, unworthy, hopeless and taken for granted. I know I deserve true and unconditional love, the love people write songs about and poems. The love that people will fight wars for, the love people will do anything to be with the person they love. I deserve better. I am superwoman, Wonder Woman, President, Queen and ruler of my life and heart.