In this process of becoming myself and learning who I am…
I have decided to stop letting my fears have the best of me. Which is easier said than done.
Let me give you an example;
I am gyming more – which is scary for me, I hate gyms just because of the way society has portrayed it to be. It’s more of a place men go to check out women squatting, and some women enjoy that. Great for them! now for people like me who is full of insecurities, I don’t want to squat knowing some man is perving over my ass. But i got over this and now I have a gym membership and intend to keep going until I get the desired results.
I say no more often – now that has been scary for me because as a women, i feel like we are raised at times to continuously say yes and if you say no “how dare you”. I know you probably rolling your eyes at this and thinking it’s another #MeToo conversation but this is a big thing for me.
I am being more unapologetic – meaning that I no longer am afraid of your opinion of me. Yes, I am a walking contradiction, that’s a problem for me to deal with and not yours. If you decide to make it your problem, i can’t help you with that.
I know I missing the big elephant in the room here, but no, I am not ready to be open myself more to people. That fear will still be there, and I will deal with it when it comes and if I don’t, its none of your business.
Some men think they’re so clever when they point out the obvious on some “i know you scared of love but you need it give it a chance” bullshit. And I just think to myself, no. I don’t want to be not scared of love. I am scared of opening myself up to you just so that you can explore my weaknesses for your gain. So no, to that. No to love for now and just, no.
Anyways…. I am loving the person I am becoming and I don’t care if people don’t love her too.
Lotus 